- Get some cheap dishes and break them when you get upset.
- Learn how to say “NO” and don’t feel guilty about it
- Buy something frivolous for yourself once in awhile, like a new hat.
- Never again do anything you don’t want to do.
Rules I will forever live by now.
if i ever tell you that something is my favorite song dont listen to me im a fucking liar i have more favorite songs than there are babies in china
A news station was interviewing a man who lived near a dangerous intersection. It is known for an inordinate number of car crashes.
HE JUST KIND OF STEPS BACK
“oh see there you go son”
BALLS OF NONCHALANT STEEL
“See, now this is the kinda shit I’m talking about…”
Woah.
I wonder if the young girls playing on the trampoline next door know that
- I can see them
- I can hear them singing You Can’t Stop The Beat from Hairspray
- they are really bad singers and
- I can probably get a YouTube-worthy video of them from my current position
gUYS I PUT ON MY COUSINS HOCKEY MASK AND STOOD AT THE WINDOW AND YELLED “STOP YOUR INFERNAL SINGSONG I’M TRYING TO MURDER HERE” AND THEY SCREAMED AND TRIED TO RUN AWAY AND ONE FELL OVER AND STARTED CRYING
My brother was trusted to go shopping for the first time yesterday and he bought 39 loaves of bread because it was on offer so now our kitchen is just full of a fuckton of bread and we have nowhere to put any of it because our freezer is full, my house is like a shitty math problem right now.
oh crumbs.
it has been one of my greatest dreams to beat the living shit out of something at least once so god fucking help anybody that ever tries to assault me because i will be brimming with every violent urge that i have ever tucked away in my entire life
sometimes my twelve year old little sister will go on club penguin and trick a bunch of girls that she’s a guy and she’ll make them think they’re dating and then she’ll have them all meet her in the same place at the same time and watch them get into catfights about who’s boyfriend she is and thats how my little sister became a cross-dressing evil mastermind pimp on club penguin
only a true man can pull off blue lipstick
actually its coral blue number five
do you ever just refuse to go to bed because that means tomorrow is going to happen
